The Emotionally Unavailable Man

The emotionally unavailable man...

This seems to be my forte. I've attracted these men the past few years like nobody's business. 

What is the definition of an emotionally unavailable man?

This definition from eHow explains it perfectly:

"The term "emotionally unavailable" usually refers to those who create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy. Relationships with emotionally unavailable people are often depressing and distressing, as their partners end up feeling neglected, unloved and unwanted. Emotionally unavailable people will actually seek out relationships with others, but the problems begin when they are unable to commit fully to their relationships. Because emotionally unavailable people often behave as if they want to be in a relationship, it’s important to be able to recognize the signs that a person is emotionally unavailable."

Read more :

This type of relationship sounds like loads of fun, doesn't it? Well, let me tell sucks big time to be the other person in this type of relationship. 

Here are some characteristics of someone who might be emotionally unavailable :

1) He becomes VERY uncomfortable talking about anything other than surface, weather, what you are planning to do this weekend. And, for crying out loud, DO NOT even think abut bringing up anything that has to do with the future...marriage, kids, where the relationship is headed. He will break out in a cold sweat and will immediately try to change the subject.

2) He has no problem falling off the grid. He calls or texts only when it's convenient for him. He will invite you to do something at the last minute. There is no sense of urgency in an emotionally unavailable man. Most of his actions come off as selfish...because most of the time they are.

3) He has trouble talking about past relationships or he holds on to past relationships.  Is his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife still a part of his life in an unhealthy way? Is he having problems setting boundaries with his ex? If he happens to talk about a past relationship, does it make him uncomfortable? I know especially if there are kids involved, there's going to be some type of relationship with an ex, BUT he should not be allowing his ex to say things to him such as "I love and miss you" or "I'm thinking about you."

4) He very quickly gives up in investing in the relationship when he knows you are invested. This is a big red flag...

5) He asks very little questions about you, your friends, or your family. This goes back to the selfish characteristic. Meeting the people who are closest to you means he's investing in your life. For an emotionally unavailable man this is just a big NO NO.

6) He's fickle and doesn't know what he wants, or he actually states he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Don't think you can change his mind. It's not gonna happen. This is his own way of warning you...heed the warning.

I'm not a counselor or an expert. Unfortunately, this comes from personal experience. I've been in this type of relationship a couple of times and it's not a fun place to be. 

Watch for the red flags. For the sake of your own emotional stability, don't ignore those red flags. 

And, don't think this is the best you can have, because you're wrong.  You deserve someone who will invest their emotions and time into you and your relationship. 

Always in a Race


Mama’s Losin’ It
Writing Prompt: A blog post inspired by the word: race
Check out weekly writing prompts at Mama's Losin' It!

I feel like I'm constantly in a race. I race to get some sleep so I can immediately start a new race the next day...a race to get Brenn to school on time; a race to get to work on time; a race to finish my work; a race to pay my bills; a race to clean the house; a race to do the laundry. The list goes on and on.

I'm even in a race to get this post done so that I can race to my room and get ready because soon I will have to get Brenn up so he can race to get ready.

Good grief, I'm exhausted just typing this post.

I addition to my everyday races, I periodically pay to run in races. I know I won't even come close to winning. My goal is not only to finish, but finish as fast as I can to the best of my ability.

I just feel like I'm in a race against time even when I don't have to be. 

In all my racing around, I really hope I'm not racing through those quality times...with my friends, with Brenn, with my family. 

I vote that we start having races to see how slow we can accomplish things. I could totally win these races.

Weight Loss Update

I wish I could say that I finally met my weight loss goal.

But, unfortunately I have not. Since January, I have gained back all but about 16 pounds of the weight I had lost. 

This fact makes me very discouraged. Looking in the mirror makes me very discouraged. After all those times I told myself I never wanted to go back to the unhappy person I was.

Honestly, I haven't totally gone back to that place. But, at times I can feel it nudging at me. 

I've just misplaced my priorities. It's easy to let other aspects of your life fall by the wayside when you are dating someone.  In addition, Brenn's football games, a load of meetings, and other responsibilities make it easy for the weight to begin creeping back on. I'm not blaming anyone for my decisions. I just need to get back on track.

I get so tired. Tired of logging food. Tired of weighing myself. TIRED. There are few other things in my life that I struggle with in the same way I struggle with my weight loss. 

But, no matter how tired I am of doing those things, I know they work. I know because at one point I was 40 pounds down. So, it's time to get back on the wagon. Time to start all over. 

Because I know I'm a much happier person when I'm taking care of myself.

I Have Been Alive for 34 Years

Hello? Is there anyone in here?

Alright, well I'm back. For a little while anyway.

I decided today was a good day to post in this good ole' blog. Because today is my 34th birthday. 

Jeez, I remember when I posted on here for my 30th birthday.

Time flies when you're having fun...or something like that.

So, for my 34th birthday, I decided to list 34 things I want to do before October of next year. These are all things I have some type of control over.

For example, I will not be listing "getting married" as a goal. Because I have no control over that.

Or a potential mate for that matter. BUT, I do have peace and no crazy ex-wife driving me to the point of insanity.

It's the little things that matter...

Anyway, let's carry on. Without further ado, here is my list (in no certain order):

1) Lose 55 pounds

2) Intentionally spend time with Brenn every week

3) Post on this blog at least twice a week

4) Write an Examiner article at least twice a week

5) Start my relationship blog (I have A LOT to say in this area)

6) Start writing a book

7) Run in at least two half marathons

8) Take at least two trips to see my family in South Carolina 

9) Take a trip to New York to see my family

10) Work at growing my wreath business

11) Go to at least one concert

12) Declutter my home

13) Make a plan to get out of debt

14) Start HOPE Ministry

15) Be more involved with the Southern Convoy of Hope/One Day Ministry leadership team

16) Be a part of the Henna Tattoo Ministry at Bonnaroo again

17) Work at the Nashville Rescue Mission at least once a month

18) Audition for a play

19) Go hiking at least four times

20) Spend quality time with a friend at least once a month

21) Read at least 10 books all the way through

22) Redesign this blog

23) Start training for a full marathon

24) Go to at least one conference/meet-up

25) Take a trip to somewhere I've never been

26) Start teaching Brenn how to drive (WHAT?!)

27) Get a new washer and dryer

28) Do some type of exercise every day

29) Get the windshield fixed on my car

30) Work at waking up at 5:30 every weekday morning

31) Work at being in bed by 9:30 every weekday evening

32) Log my food every possible day

33) Pray more

34) Work at learning how to crochet

Wow, that's a long list!