Dating Long Distance

I've always said I wouldn't get involved in a long distance relationship. I felt it was almost impossible to keep the relationship going when you live so far away from your significant other. 

My feelings haven't changed much on this subject, but I am now dating someone who lives about 500 miles away from me. We met in July of this year, so it hasn't been a super long time.  It has been long enough to get an idea of what dating long distance is going to entail. Since July, he's been to Tennessee twice and I'm getting ready head to Florida in November to visit him. 


In some ways I've enjoyed the way we've gotten to know each other. The relationship has not progressed too fast and I haven't felt pressured to push the timeline of the relationship any faster. I also like that we are pretty much forced to have conversations on a regular basis. We text each other maybe once a day and talk to each other on the phone almost every evening. When we do get to see each other, we take advantage of every moment because we know there is a time limit to the visit.

I still have my reservations about dating long distance though. A friend and mentor told me not too long ago that she and her now husband dated long distance. She told me to remember that because we  don't live close to each other, we don't really get to see how the other person acts in everyday life. 

I had told "J" that I'm not interested in being in a long term long distance relationship. He does understand my feelings and is in the precess of relocating to Tennessee. He was planning to do that before we even met. We don't know how long it will be before he can move because there's so many factors to the process. 

In the meantime, I'm learning some things about the success in dating someone long distance:

1) Make sure you speak to your significant other regularly throughout the week. I don't mean text each other, I mean have an actual conversation on the phone or through Skype. 


2) Make plans at see each other regularly (preferably once a month if you're not too far from each other). This is hard, especially for single parents. Thankfully, we are pretty much on the same schedule as far as weekend visitation.

3) Make sure to communicate when you're upset or if something is bothering you. This is good advice even for couples who aren't dating long distance, but especially for those who are. It's already stressful enough being so far away from each other. Allowing feelings of unhappiness to fester will only make things worse. 

4) When the time is right, make goals to close that distance. This is going to take sacrifice from one or both people. Usually one person is sacrificing much more by moving closer to the other. Make sure to be sensitive to each others feelings and talk things out during this process.


5) Learn to trust each other all the time. This is HUGE. If you can't trust the other person then you don't need to be in a relationship with him/her. Really take the time to decide if you can handle not knowing what's going on with your significant other 24/7. 

I'm new at this and I'm still learning. Some days are easier than others. At the end of the day, I feel like pursuing a relationship with "J' is something I want to do. We just have some hurdles to overcome because of the extra distance between each other.